A Whole New Year of Doom
by KidKourage
Summary: It's New Years' Eve and the gang is gonna party all night long! Chapter 2 is up! Fun is had as everyone tries to stay awake all night! Features Monty Python, Super Smash Brothers, and KidK's Mom's amazing dessert-making skillz!
1. Part 1--It's Dinner Time!

A Whole New Year of Doom

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

Part 1—It's Dinner Time! 

          As I write this, I'm sitting in my dorm room surrounded by the sounds of my favorite Tenchi Muyô characters singing 'Yamerarenai Yamerarenai.'  Yes, that's right.  I'm back at skool.  This is the last day I'll be able to use for writing, as my vacation time has come to an end once more.  Because I have run out my time limit for writing the eight stories I had planned to present to you, I have unfortunately had to abbreviate this last one considerably.  Please forgive me; there's no sense in hurrying and creating a full-length pile worthless junk when you can possibly take your time and do the best you can on a single piece of that junk (I am very humble, yes?).  And so, I now give to you what was to be the final chapter of the Holiday Special of Festive Doom.  I give to you my New Years' Eve tale.

The scene is house number 777, on the afternoon of December 31—New Years' Eve for those of you who are confused.  Johnny is currently about to leave his home for a very important job, and is having an argument with a talking Bub's Burger Boy.

'Nny:  For the last time, she doesn't _control_ me!

Reverend Meat:  I was simply pointing out the fact that you seem to do whatever she tells you to.

'Nny:  And _I'm_ pointing out the fact that she _didn't_ tell me to do it!  I told _myself_ to do it!

Reverend Meat:  Because you thought she'd like you to.

'Nny:  Because _I'd_ like to!

Reverend Meat:  I only wish to protect you, my boy.  The last thing that I want is for you to become a slave to someone besides yourself, you see.  Though, based on what you're insisting, I have nothing to worry about—you remain only a servant of your own urges.

'Nny:  This isn't an _urge_, Meat.  That's the word you use for something your body tells you to do which you can't stop yourself from doing.  This isn't a matter of the body, but of the mind.  I _thought_ that it'd be a nice thing to do, considering all she's done for _me_.  

Reverend Meat:  Be careful about doing things for others.  Other people can be tricky and deceitful, as you should by now be aware.  In the end, the only one who deserves your attention is _yourself_.  I'm only thinking of _you_.

'Nny:  I'll _bet_.  But I reiterate--nothing but my mind was involved in this decision.  And I _could_ decide _not_ to do it at any time.  Still, I'd _hate_ to know what thought process I'd have to go through to come to the decision that it's more fun to stay at home listening to _you_ than it is to go out.  And, with that, I bid you adieu.

He steps outside and goes down to the curb to get in his car.  But back inside the house…

Reverend Meat:  Soooo easily controlled.  I just have to convince him that the things I want him to do are things I _don't_ want him to do, and he _does_ them!  You can deny your humanity all you want, Johnny C., but I'll always be there to remind you…

Rev. Meat gives me the shivers.  Am I the only one who feels this way?  Outside, an idea has just occurred to Johnny.

'Nny:  Hmmm, I wonder what Squee's doing to celebrate tonight…I'll go ask him if he wants to come to Missy's place with me.

He goes over to his neighbor Todd's bedroom window, and finds to his delight that his little friend is indeed at home.

'Nny:  Hiya, Squee!

Squee (jumping five feet in the air):  Yikes!  

'Nny:  Hey, sorry to surprise you.  I was just wondering if you were doing anything this evening.

Squee:  My parents went out to a party, but they left Shmee and me behind.

'Nny:  Aw, that's sad.  I'll bet you were looking forward to staying up all night too, huh?

Squee:  I _am_ staying up all night.  Shmee says the _monsters_'ll come for me if I fall asleep _tonight_.

'Nny:  Well, I don't know about monsters, but I _do_ know that it was not very considerate of your poor excuses for parents to leave you all by yourself for such a long time.  That's no way for _any_ kid to have to spend New Years' Eve.  Now, I was just going over to my friend Missy's house—want to come with me?

Squee:  _Your_ friend?  (he pictures a horrible, bloodthirsty demon)  Noooo, no, I'll be fine right here.

'Nny:  But supposing the monsters are _real_?  Stranger things have happened…most of them to _me_.  You'll be all alone in your house with no one to help you!  And it's _Monday_, too!  And you _know_ what _that_ means.

Squee (timidly):  No…what?

'Nny (wide-eyed):  _Vampires_ are abroad!

Squee:  Shmee says your _friend_ is probably a vampire.

'Nny:  _Shmee_ doesn't know what he's _talking_ about.  Missy's the nicest person I know—and I'll bet her Mom made cookies.

Squee:  Cookies?   Well, I…(his stomach growls)  I haven't eaten anything all day because Mommy forgot to make lunch for me.

'Nny:  Then that settles it!  Come on!

At this point, it's probably a good idea to check in with KidK, since she's supposed to be the main character here.  So what's she doing?

KidK:  Stupid, stupid skirt!

Mike-the-Brother:  You can say that again!

KidK:  _Why_ do I hafta wear a skirt again, _mother_?  I didn't _last_ year.

KidK's Mom:  But you look so nice in it, honey!  Doesn't she, boys?

KidK's Dad (distracted by the football game):  Oh, yeah, uh huh.  Sure.

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah, it's nice…if you _like_ skirts.

Zim (resentfully):  I can see your _knees_.

KidK:  See, I told you!  I look stupid!

KidK's Mom:  Zim, in what way is this different from when KidK wore shorts all summer?

Zim:  It just makes me…_nervous_ when she wears a skirt.  _Last_ time she did _I_ got severely injured.

Gir:  I like your outfit, Missy!

KidK:  Really, Gir?

Gir:  Yeah!  Blue is pretty!

KidK:  Oh, well, that's OK then.

KidK's Dad:  I'll tell you what's _not_ OK.  What's not OK is that we're not leaving until 4:30 this year.  You _know_ there'll be a huge _line_ by the time we get there _now_!

KidK's Mom:  But, honey, _you_ know no one else eats that early in the afternoon.  We don't want Dib and Gaz to mess up their schedules because our routine is so strange.

KidK's Dad:  Schedules?  They're _kids_!

KidK's Mom:  Nevertheless…and I also told the babysitter to be here at 4:30 too, and we don't have a phone number to tell him to come sooner.

KidK's Dad:  Who'd you _get_, anyway?

KidK's Mom:  Well, his name's Johnny, and he's Missy's friend.

KidK's Dad:  You mean the comic strip guy?  Why'd you ask _him_?

And now it's time for a flashback to a few days ago!  KidK and her Mom are standing in KidK's room discussing a very important matter:

KidK's Mom:  I just called the restaurant.

KidK:  And?

KidK's Mom:  It's true that they won't let pets in.  And when I explained that Gir's not really a _pet_, per se, they said no robots either.

KidK:  What horrible _snobs_!

KidK's Mom:  Yes, but it doesn't do any good to complain now.  The problem is who we're going to hire to watch Gir while we're gone.

KidK:  We're gonna go off and leave him all alone?!

KidK's Mom:  No.  That's what I meant by 'hiring someone to watch him.'  Who _knows_ what trouble he'd make if he were left _alone_.

KidK:  But who can we ask on such short notice?  I mean, it's not like you've hired a babysitter anytime recently.

KidK's Mom:  I _know_…and who'd be willing to give up even a few hours of one of the biggest party nights of the year?

'Nny:  I'll do it.

KidK's Mom looks over at the window, to see the upside-down face of 'that guy with the squirrel problem' grinning hopefully at her from atop the roof.  This comes as quite a shock.

KidK's Mom:  _Oh my_ _god_!  What is that boy _doing_ out there?!  Be careful!

KidK:  'Nny?  Mom, it's okay—he does that all the time.  

'Nny:  I didn't mean to startle you, Mrs. Missy's Mother, but I couldn't help but overhear that you need a babysitter for Monday night.  

KidK's Mom:  Yes…you overheard…why are you on my roof?

'Nny:  Just visiting your daughter, ma'am.

KidK's Mom:  Oh…okay…but why would you want to babysit Gir?

'Nny:  Hey, what _else_ have I got to do that night?  Not as though I'm Mister Popular and got invited to all the parties, right?  I'd be glad to help you out.

KidK's Mom:  But…I don't know you very well.

'Nny:  Would you know anyone from a _service_ very well?

KidK:  He's got a point, Mom.  You sure you don't mind, 'Nny-kun?

'Nny:  Of course not.  I like Gir.  He's got no brain, but at least he doesn't use that as an excuse to write poetry.

KidK's Mom (whisper):  Missy, can we trust this guy?

KidK:  I'd trust him with my _life_, Mom.

KidK's Mom:  Oh.  Well, then, I suppose you're hired, Mister 'Nny.

Flash back forward now!

KidK's Mom:  And that's why.

KidK's Dad:  Well, I suppose he's nice enough…

Zim:  Are you _insane_?!  You'd let a crazed maniac like _that_ spend hours practically alone in your _house_?!

Mike-the-Brother:  Why not?  They let _you_ sleep _over_.

Zim:  That's different!  _I_ just want to doom the entire human _race_—excepting of course those parts of it which happen to be in the room at the moment.  _This_ guy's _nuts_!

Mike-the-Brother:  I rest my case.

There is a knock at the door.

Gir (at the top of his lungs):  **_I'll get it!  _**(he runs down the stairs and opens the door)  Hiiiiii, Johnny!  You here to _sit_ on me?!

'Nny:  ………….no.

Gir:  Aw, man!  But Mommy said you were the sitter!

'Nny:  I rather think she meant I'll sit _with_ you.  

Gir:  Oh!  That's good too!  Oooooo, look!  Hello, kid!

KidK's Dad:  'Kid?'  What do you mean, 'kid?'

Gir:  The cute little kid hiding behind the mailbox!

KidK's Dad:  Johnny, why is there a kid hiding behind our mailbox?

'Nny:  Oh, that's my little friend.  

KidK's Dad:  And why is he _here_?

'Nny:  His parents left him all alone to go to some kind of party.  Not that that's anything unusual, since they're _always_ mistreating the poor kid, but I couldn't just leave him there on a _holiday_.  I hope you don't mind that I brought him with me.

KidK's Mom:  Awww, that's so sad!  Of _course_ we don't mind that you brought him over.  What kind of a person abandons their child like that?  You come on in, sweetie.  No need to be scared.

Squee:  There's not?  (thinking)  _These people don't seem **too** dangerous.  But I haven't seen the crazy neighbor man's **friend** yet._

KidK (running down the stairs):  'Nny-kun!  It's so awesome of you to do this for us.

'Nny:  It's nothing, really.  But you need to meet my friend Squee.  Squee, _this_ is _Missy_.

KidK:  Hi!  Squee, was it?  Or is that a nickname?

Squee (very tiny voice):  S'not my name.  But everyone calls me that.  My name's Todd.

KidK:  Well, it's good to meet you, Todd.  I hope you like our house.  You can do anything you want so long as nothing gets broken—not that _you'd_ break things, right?  You're cute.

Squee (thinking):  _Wow, she's nice!  And she doesn't have tentacles or anything!  Maybe this won't be so bad after all…oh no!  An alien!  _*squeee…*

Zim:  Fine, fine, that's very sweet.  Can we _go_ now?

KidK's Dad:  Yeah, can we?

KidK's Mom:  I suppose.  (they start down the stairs to the car)  Now, all the emergency numbers are on the refrigerator, and all the first-aid stuff is in the bathroom.  You guys can eat whatever you want--just don't make a mess.  Johnny, try not to let Gir get too out of hand.

'Nny:  Will do, Mrs. Missy's Mother.

Squee:  Wait…they're all going out?

'Nny:  Yup, and they're letting _me_ watch Gir.  Isn't that nice?  So now you don't have to be alone—you can play with Gir!

Gir:  Yeah!  We'll have so much fuuuuuun!  Wheeheeheeheeheeeeee!

Squee:  Uh oh.  Suddenly this doesn't seem like such a good place to be.

KidK:  Bye bye, guys!  Have fun!  Thanks again, 'Nny-kun!  Come _on_, Zim.

KidK and Zim exit the house to go down to KidK's car.  On the way out, Zim gives 'Nny an evil glare.

'Nny (waving):  See ya later, Missy!  So, guys, what shall we do?

Gir:  Let's play tag!  (he pokes Squee)  You're it!

Squee:  *gulp*  You're _scary_, creepy-dog-thing…

Gir:  Awww, thanks!  (he grabs Squee in a hug)

Squee:  Eeeeek!  It's gonna eat me!

'Nny:  Ah, children…

Time to pick up Dib and Gaz!  Yay!

Zim:  Are you _sure_ we have to bring the Dib along?

KidK:  Yes!  New Years' Eve is a very special night, and you're supposed to spend it with people you love!

Zim:  Yes, you said that before.  But--and I believe _I_ said _this_ before--I don't love Dib.  Or Mike.  Or that horrendous Johnny person.

KidK:  …I _knew_ it!

Zim:  Knew what?

KidK:  You didn't include _me_ in your 'people-I-hate' list!

Zim:  I don't hate you, stupid.  I am merely annoyed by you.

KidK:  Mmmmhmm.  I love you too, Zimmy.  Just try not to make a scene at the restaurant.

Zim:  Why would you think _I_ would make a scene?

KidK:  There have been precedents…

Zim:  I have no idea what you're talking about.

KidK:  I'm sure you don't.  (she pulls the car over outside the Membrane house)  Hi, guys!

Gaz (engrossed in a game):  Hey.

Dib:  Hi, KidK!  Hello, _Zim_.

Zim:  Hello, _Dib-monkey_.  You'll notice that _I_ am in the front seat this evening.

Dib:  Fine.  Now I can kick you in the back when you least suspect it!

Gaz:  If you guys screw up my game of Kirby's Tilt 'n Tumble with your stupid pushing and shoving…

KidK:  What a nice day this is…

After a half-hour of madness, both cars miraculously make it to the restaurant.  This place, called simply The Pub, is the site of KidK's family's annual New Years' Eve dinner.  This tradition started before KidK was even born, and her Dad even proposed to her Mom there!  ^.^  It's like a medieval castle inside, complete with coats of arms, suits of armor, and of course…

Zim:  Why has that beast got its head stuck through the wall?  I didn't know moose exhibited such ridiculous behavior.

KidK:  I think it's a good thing Gir isn't here, because—and I hate to tell you this—that moose is dead.

Zim:  So…when a moose dies you humans shove its head through a wall.  Why am I less than shocked?

KidK:  No, when a stupid human _kills_ a moose they chop _off_ its head, _stick_ it on a piece of wood, and _hang_ it on the wall.  It's called a trophy…as if killing a moose is a _victory_ of some kind.

Dib:  Hey, Zim, when I capture you and turn you over to the authorities, maybe the scientists'll let me have your head for _my_ wall!

Zim:  Or maybe _I_ can send _your_ head back home as a specimen of the abject _stupidity_ to be found on this planet!

KidK's Mom:  Now, children, no one's mounting anyone's head.  This is supposed to be a night of celebration.

Dib:  Defeating Zim _is_ something to celebrate.

Gaz:  Shut up, Dib.  Hey, is that…

Mike-the-Brother:  The Ms. Pac-man machine!  Mom, can we play?

Gaz:  Mike, don't ask your Mom!  Just do it!

Mike-the-Brother (lamely):  But she's got all the money…

Gaz:  Then I win by forfeit!  

KidK's Dad:  Well, guys, I just asked, and it's gonna be a half-hour wait.

Gaz:  Sweet!

They all look at her oddly.

Gaz (by way of explanation):  More time to play.

Mike-the-Brother:  More time to _beat_ you!  Mom, I need quarters!

KidK's Mom:  I only have four…

Gaz:  More than enough!

They run off to the ancient Ms. Pac-man machine.  Meanwhile, what will the others do?

KidK:  I've never had to wait here before!  It's an adventure!

Dib:  It's 5:00.  Why is there already a line?

KidK:  Because this is a very popular place for New Years' Eve dinners, I think.  Normally we get here even earlier.

Dib:  Earlier than 5:00?

KidK:  Yeah…the point is that we don't have to wait.  We don't eat lunch, and then we have this really early dinner, and then we snack throughout the night.  I think my Mom made Rice-Krispy Treats.

Zim:  You don't mean…those sticky sweet things Gir just can't get enough of?

KidK:  Well, that describes many things.  But these are the ones made with cereal and marshmallows.

Zim:  …ugh…the horror…

Dib:  What's wrong with Rice-Krispy Treats, Zim?  Are they your secret _weakness_?  Do you have a marshmallow allergy?  Tell me so I can use them to defeat you!

Zim:  No…KidK's Mom made them for that _other_ gruesome human holiday we just had…

Dib:  You mean Christmas?

KidK:  Yes.  Somebody named Mike told Zim that it's a human tradition to stuff our bodies full of Rice-Krispy Treats, and there was…an incident…

Flash back to Christmas Eve!  KidK's Mom is desperately trying to get all the presents in order under the tree, while her Dad wants nothing more than to peacefully play Madden Football.  Gir, who is sharing a bed with KidK tonight (awww…) has forced the two kids of the house to go to sleep, 'so Santy-Claws can come.'  However, everyone's plans for the night are being severely disrupted by…

Zim (running around out of control):  Anyone need any _help_?!  _Anyone_?!  I can help if you want!  I have superpowers, you know!  Powers beyond the comprehension of _any_ puny human stink-beast!

KidK's Dad:  Can you implement your super shutting-up power?

Zim:  Watch as I conquer this pathetic tree-monster!  (he karate chops the Christmas tree)  _Hoo_-ha!

KidK's Mom:  Watch out!  You're knocking off the ornaments!

Zim:  Precisely!  That is what gives the fiend its _power_!  (he looks around, full of glee)  I want a _job_!  Lookee what _I_ can do!  (he uses his spider-legs to rise above the tree, then plants an Irken flag atop the highest branches)  Mwahahahahaaaaaaaa!  I have conquered you in the names of the Almighty Tallest without even using a stepladder!

KidK's Mom:  Zim!  Stop quoting 'Rudolph' and get _down_ from there!

Zim:  But…but the _bees_!  Fear not, citizen, for I shall save you!  (he leaps on KidK's Dad and starts swatting imaGinary bees)

KidK's Dad:  Cut it out!

Zim:  I'm gonna sing the Bee Song now—_buzz_ buzz _buzz_ buzz buzz buzz _buzz_ buzz **_buzz_**!

Mike-the-Brother (yelling from his room):  Zim!  Some of us are trying to sleep!

Zim:  But if you sleep, the _Santy-Claws_ will show up!  Don't _don't_ **_don't_** fall asleep!  It'll get us all!  **_Yiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_**

He runs around in circles screeching incoherently as the flashback ends and we're back in the present.

Dib:  Wahahahaha!

Zim:  How was _I_ supposed to know that your filthy human sugar would have such an effect?

KidK:  But it was really cute when you crashed around four in the morning and crawled into bed with Gir and me.

Zim:  Don't you _ever_ mention that to me again.

Dib:  That…is so…_embarrassing_!  Some Invader, reduced to screaming nothing by Rice-Krispy Treats!

KidK:  I think _anyone_ would be reduced to screaming nothing by dozens and _dozens_ of Rice-Krispy Treats consumed all at once.  Speaking of which…I'd better make sure 'Nny keeps Gir away from our supply.

Dib:  Gir is hyper _anyway_.

KidK:  Yes…so imagine him on _Rice-Krispy Treats_.

Zim:  My slave-robot is too advanced to be susceptible to such things!

KidK:  Nevertheless…Mom, can I have your cell phone?  I left mine at home with 'Nny so's we wouldn't have to waste our minutes.

KidK's Mom:  Sure, honey.

KidK dials the phone and it starts ringing.  You know those neat TV sequences with the split-screen that happen when people are on the phone?  Imagine that!

'Nny:  Hello?

KidK:  Yo, 'Nny-kun.  What's up?

'Nny:  Nothing much.

KidK:  Has Gir been giving you any trouble?

'Nny:  Nah.  He's been keeping himself busy…but nothing's been destroyed.

KidK:  Where's Todd?

'Nny:  Right here.  Gir's tired himself out a little, and I got Squee to come out from under your brother's bed so we could watch a movie.  Was it OK to get one out of the giant Tupperware box in your room?

KidK:  You're watching anime?

'Nny:  Yes.  You're always telling me about these subtitled cartoons you watch, so I thought it'd be fun to try one.  It's disconcerting how Gir seems to understand all the words without reading the subtitles…he's yelling in Japanese at the characters.

KidK:  He does do that, yes.  So, what movie is it?

'Nny:  You know, I don't know.  I can't read the box, obviously.  

KidK:  Well, what's going on?

'Nny:  Well, just now a group of inexplicably naked girls are twirling around amidst multicolored sparkles and some rather good disco music.  Oh, they've got new clothes now.  Not much of an improvement.

KidK:  Ah.  A _Sailor Moon_ movie.

'Nny:  And now they're shooting fire and lightning at a flower.

KidK:  That'd be Sailor Moon R, then.  Don't dismiss it right away—it's actually quite good.

'Nny:  Well, the kids seem to like it, anyway.

Gir (off in the background):  _Supreeeeeme_  **_Thundaaaaaaaaa_**!

Squee (likewise):  Oh geez!  It's climbing the walls!

KidK:  Anyway, the other reason I called—other than to make sure you guys are OK—was to tell you to make sure Gir doesn't eat all the Rice-Krispy Treats Mom made.

'Nny:  You have Rice-Krispy Treats?  Last time I tried to make those, I didn't have any butter.  That was a sad, sad day.  (a/n: see JtHM #6)

KidK:  Aw, I'm sorry.  When we come home we can all have some.  It's just probably not a good idea to let Gir know about them.

'Nny:  Yes, I hate to imagine what'd happen _then_.  So, are you all having fun?

KidK:  We're waiting for a table to open up.  Not really _fun_, really, though Mike and Gaz seem to be having a good time with the Ms. Pac-Man machine.

Maitre 'D:  Missy, party of seven?

KidK:  Oh, there's our table.  Gotta go!

'Nny:  Byebye! (end splitscreen thingy)

KidK:  Mother, why in the world did you put our party name in as 'Missy?'

KidK's Mom:  I figured no one else would use it.

KidK:  You kill me, you really do.

Zim:  No, but someday the Johnny human probably will.

Mike-the-Brother:  I can't come now, Mom!  I've got six lives left and I've only got one more level to beat to defeat Gaz's record!

KidK's Mom:  I guess you don't have to _eat_, then.

Mike-the-Brother:  *sigh*  Coming, Mom.

Gaz:  Heh.  So close, and yet so far away…

The party assembles to be seated, and the waitress leads them to one of the huge round tables reserved for big groups.  The neat thing about this arrangement is that these tables are closer to the salad bar.

Waitress Melanie:  I'm Melanie and I'll be your server this evening.  Can I start anyone off with a drink?  Wine, perhaps?

KidK's Mom:  Want to spring for white wine this time?

KidK's Dad:  Just so long as the kids don't decide they want to try it.

Mike-the-Brother:  Ewwww, that stuff is _nasty_! (no underage drinking, kiddies)

KidK's Mom:  Then that'll be two glasses of white wine and two diet colas for us.  

Dib:  Regular for me.

Zim:  And I as well.

Gaz:  Do you have orange?

Waitress Melanie:  Sure!

Gaz:  Then that's what I want.

KidK:  I didn't have any _idea_ they had orange here!  I want some too.

Mike-the-Brother:  Milk, please.  Thank you.  (Mike is very polite to restaurant staff, and does not drink soda)

Waitress Melanie:  OK!  I'll be right back with your order.

KidK:  Now…what to pick to eat?

Dib:  Looks like steak is their main thing.

KidK's Dad:  I like the seafood.

Mike-the-Brother:  Mom, what's the difference between filet mignon and sirloin?

Zim:  And what in the world is a porterhouse?

KidK's Mom:  Oh, suddenly I'm the expert on steak?  Mike, I told you about this _last_ year.  And the year before that.

Zim:  You didn't tell _me_.

KidK's Mom:  I suppose you're right.  Well…

Do you really want to hear about what the different cuts of steak are?  It's pretty boring.  It's just that it's kind of an informal tradition that Mike and I can't remember them from year to year.  Why not check in on 'Nny, Gir, and Squee?  The movie, being short, should be almost over by now.

Fioreail (in rough translation, of course):  Mamoru-kun, this is my promise.  It's a flower of life, and contains most of my energy.  Please give the nectar to Sailor Moon…(Mamoru actually kisses the magic flower and then kisses his gal Usagi, who wakes up from death-mode)

Sailor Moon:  I…told you…I'd protect you all…let's go back home now…_together_.  (everyone is ecstatic and 'Moon Revenge' starts playing over the credits)

'Nny:  That…*sniff*…that was so beautiful….  She saved them all from loneliness… (he looks around at the empty livingroom)  Hey, where'd you go?  Gir?  Squeegee?  Are you hiding?

Gir (behind the chair):  *giggle*  Noooooo…

'Nny:  You're going to jump out and yell 'boo' at me, aren't you?

Gir (jumping out):  _Drop a chicken_!

'Nny (unmoved):  Well, at least you're original.

Gir:  No, I'm Extra Crispy!

'Nny (raising an eyebrow):  …good?  Now, where's Squee?

Gir:  Who?

'Nny:  Squee.

Gir:  Whozat?

'Nny:  The kid who was just here a second ago.

Gir:  Oh, him?  He went to Missy's room.

Squee (from off in the distance):  Oh man!  _Please_ don't kill me, Mister!

Ominous Voice:  Just keep quiet, kid!  I'm just here for money…and stuff, if it'll fit out the window.

'Nny (not all that worried):  Uh oh.  Looks like Missy's house has been targeted for a holiday burglary…(he looks down at Gir)  I think we should _do_ something about this, don't you?

Gir:  Ooooo, a new friend for Mister Perkins!

'Nny:  Now just do what I say and everything will be OK, alright Gir?

Gir:  Can I make toaster streudel?

'Nny:  Not just yet.  Come on, I don't think he realizes there's anyone else at home.

He calmly strides down the hallway from the livingroom to KidK's room, Gir happily skipping along behind him.  Inside the room, a typical punk teenager in really grungy clothes and a ski mask is systematically going through KidK's belongings, while Squee huddles with Shmee under the desk in the corner. (a/n: There should probably be swearing in this scene, but I'm not technically allowed to use profanity in any way, and I have a very guilty conscience)

Burglar Guy:  Heheh, may as well take the whole jewelry box—some of this stuff is bound to be worth _something_.  Cripes!  Where does this chick keep her money, in a safe?  You know anything about that, kid?

Squee:  *squee*

Burglar Guy:  What was that?

Squee (really super scared):  I don't live here…I don't know…

Burglar Guy:  It doesn't really matter, I guess.  Probably just a stupid broke chick anyway.  You stay right where you are, kid.  I'm going to the next room over.

He turns to continue his pillaging elsewhere, and is startled to discover that the house is not as empty as he'd previously believed.

'Nny (leaning against the doorframe):  Hello, flaw.  

Burglar Guy:  Whaaaat?!  What _is_ this?  Who are _you_?

'Nny:  I really don't think you're in a position to be asking me questions, as you are, in fact, the one who is trespassing here.  (looking down at Gir)  Gir, can you do something for me?

Gir:  Suuuuuure, Johnny-man!

'Nny:  Can you please take Squeegee to your Master's lab downstairs and stay there until I come get you?

Gir:  Can we make brainfreezys?

'Nny:  Yes.  Do whatever you want as long as you don't break anything.  (to himself)  Ay, how can I even _begin_ to hope that he's not going to destroy things…?

Gir:  Yay!  'Freezy for me and Squeezy!  (he races past the Burglar Guy, hoists the petrified Squee over his head, and runs out of the room)

'Nny:  Ah, alone at last.

Burglar Guy:  Hey, don't you try anything funny, Mister!  (he pulls a knife out of his boot and brandishes it)  You just stay right there, and I'll just go out the way I came in.

'Nny:  Through the window?  The…open window…Missy's open window…the one she always leaves open for…me…(he looks slightly dazed for a moment)

Burglar Guy:  Yeah, the window.  Don't move!  (he starts backing away toward the window)

'Nny (snapping out of it):  No!  Get away from that window!  How _dare_ you take advantage of a girl's innocence?!  You've violated her room and ruined its perfection with your oily presence!  And on a holiday of all nights--taking advantage of her joyful time for your own gain!  And it's all my fault!

Burglar Guy:  What're you raving about, you skinny loser?

'Nny (menacingly):  You've messed with Missy's happiness.  And though I may be the one to blame in the greater scheme of things, there's still something I can do to right this filthy wrong. (he advances on the burglar)

Burglar Guy (clutching his knife):  Come on, man!  I don't wanna hafta hurt anyone, really!

'Nny:  But you already have.  (he darts forward, lightning-fast, grabbing the man's knife hand in a painful grip, and takes a second to examine the weapon)  Hmmmm…just your average kitchen knife…great for slicing cakes!  Not very useful _here_, though, I'm afraid.  Now, I _could_ show you what a _real_ knife looks like, but I'm still trying to preserve some of the sanctity of this room, you see.

Burglar Guy (nervous now):  That's right, that's right, don't hurt me!  You wouldn't want to get blood on the nice carpet, would you?  Ahahaha…

'Nny:  No…

Burglar Guy:  OK!  Ahahaha!  No problem, then!

'Nny (smiling ironically):  …I'll just have to take you somewhere else first.

Burglar Guy:  Huh?

The stupid, stupid Burglar Guy's eyes suddenly roll back in his head as he loses consciousness, crumpling around the balled fist that has suddenly shot forward into his kidneys. (a/n: people with thin hands have _sharp_ _knuckles_ ^_~)

'Nny (retracting his hand):  Ihhh, I wonder when he last washed this shirt, if _ever_.  (he regards the prone body lying on the floor)  Now, what to do with you?  Probably not a good idea to risk getting anything dirty in here…I have a feeling that Missy's mother is scary when she's angry.  And I doubt they've got the proper kind of educational equipment here anyway.  So, best to just put you in the car.  Well, you wanted to go out the window anyway, right?  

While our homicidal friend ponders how to deal with this latest annoyance, let's find out what kind of annoyances our other characters are having to endure!

Waitress Melanie:  …and you all get the complimentary salad bar with your entrees, so please help yourself whenever you're ready.  (she scurries off to the kitchen)

KidK's Mom:  So, shall we go?

Dib:  Wow, free salad bar?  Most places make you pay!  We should really pick this place for next Family Night Out, eh Gaz?

Gaz (suffering from Game-Boy withdrawal):  Yeah, wow, salad bar.  Fascinating.

Mike-the-Brother:  I'm gonna make a real salad this year!

Zim:  This isn't anything like the salad bar at that horrible…_Wendy's_ place, is it?

KidK:  No way!  See, here the plates are shaped like leaves.  (she proffers one of the leaf-shaped salad plates)  Here ya go, Zimmy!

Zim:  Thank you.  Hey, watch it, human scum!

Snooty Lady:  Hmf.  

Mike-the-Brother:  Did we just get cut in front of _again_?

Dib:  You know, you get kicked _out_ of Great Adventure for cutting in line. (I gave Dib a classic me-quote!  Yippee!)

KidK's Dad:  Yeah, well, they don't do it like that here.  Just get your salad.  

KidK:  These people don't deserve our anger.  They think they're better than us just because most of them are rich.

Zim:  KidK, what is this…stuff?

KidK:  Eez chick peez…don't eat 'em, they're icky.

Zim:  Hmmm, chick peas…because they come from chickens or because braindead human females enjoy them?

KidK:  Actually, I have no idea why they call them that.  Mom?

KidK's Mom:  I suppose I'm also the expert on legumes.  But, no, I don't know why they're chick peas.

Snooty Lady:  Move you hand, young man!  _Some_ of us want to _eat_ sometime soon.

Dib:  Hey, I was only trying to get some dressing.  Sheesh!

Snooty Lady:  Where _are_ your parents, little boy?  _Certainly_ not keeping a good eye on _you_.  Obviously you've never learned anything about _manners_.

KidK:  Hey, now, listen—you can't talk to him like that.

Snooty Lady:  Hmf.  Children should be seen and not heard.  And preferably not seen, either.

KidK:  No, I mean it.  Don't talk to my friend that way.  You think you're so chic in your fur, don't you?  Only the blatant stupid pride of the rich could be responsible for your flaunting of dead animal pelts.  And anyway, you cut in front of us!  So I suggest you stop your complaining and mindless insults before some of this Russian dressing accidentally gets on your pet rat coat.

Snooty Lady:  Hmf.  My _husband_ shall hear of _this_. (she storms away)

KidK's Dad:  Good one!

Dib:  Hey, thanks for getting her off my case.

KidK:  No prob, Dibby.  I suppose the time I've spent with Johnny has paid off, because I'm getting a lot better with these rants.

Zim:  Huh.  He's dangerous, you know.

KidK:  Not to me!

Zim:  Not _yet_.

KidK:  Just get your salad.

Gaz:  They're out of tomatoes?  How can they be out of _tomatoes_?!

KidK:  Uh ohhhhh…

While KidK and her pals enjoy lovely salads, we should check in on the guys back at the house, shouldn't we?  After all, salad really isn't all that interesting.  After depositing a suspiciously large trash bag in his car and cleaning up the mess in KidK's room as best he can, 'Nny takes the elevator down to Zim's lab, which can now hardly be called 'secret.'

'Nny:  Oh please oh please don't let him have blown up the whole place…that's _all_ I need right now.

He steps out of the elevator to find, not a chaotic mess as expected, but Gir and Squee quietly playing a board game on the shiny tiled floor.

Gir (waving):  Hiiiiii, Johnny!

'Nny (blinking in surprise):  Huh?  I sent you down here all by yourselves and you didn't ruin anything?

Gir:  We're playin' Bonkers!  (a game everyone should play at least once in their lives)  Your turn, Squeezy!

Squee (rolling the dice):  Yeah!  Double sixes!  This game is fun, Gir.

Gir:  Yay!  Squeezy's happy!  (he gleefully tosses piles of cardboard game pieces into the air)

'Nny:  Well, imagine that.  You guys just finish your game, and I'll go see what kind of food Missy's got in her refrigerator.

Gir:  Okie dokie!  I wanna eat lasagna!

'Nny:  Well, I was thinking more along the lines of microwave dinners, but I'll see what I can do. (he goes back upstairs)

Squee:  Anything's better than cold pizza.  That's what I'd have to eat at home, cuz I'm not allowed to use the microwave.

Gir:  You have cold pizza?!  Luckyyyyyyyy!  Hey, it's my turn now!  Look, I got five!  (he moves his piece)  One, two, three, four, five…now I play my card!  Ummmmm…which one?  They're all so pretty!

Squee:  Well, you've got a 'Go to Start,' and that means you score, so…

Gir (slamming down the card):  I score!  In yaw _face_! (he jumps up and does a victory dance)

Squee:  *giggle*  You're so funny…

Gir:  Woo!  I'm jammin'!  (he continues dancing wildly around the lab)

Squee:  Hey, be careful!  (crash sound effect)  Uh oh…you broke it…

Gir (not all that upset):  Aw, man!  Let's explode now!

Squee (eyes wide):  …explode?  Shmee says that's not so smart.

Gir:  Ooooo, can _I_ talk to Shmee?  Heehee, cutie bear-man!

Squee:  Nooo…Shmee, it's not good to hit friends with a hammer.

Gir (advancing on Squee):  I'm gonna tickle yooooooou….

Squee:  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Gir chases the terrified Squee around the lab, laughing insanely all the way.  Into this formerly-tranquil-but-now-random scene steps Johnny C.

'Nny (somewhat relieved):  Oh, now, _this_ is more like it.  I was worried you were broken or something, Gir.  So, you guys want to help me with dinner?  There's actually stuff for lasagna…(he realizes he's being ignored)  Hey!

Gir:  Tickle prickle stickle fickle!  Gonna getcha!

Squee:  Nooooooooooo!

'Nny:  Um, guys?

Gir:  Whee!  (crash)

Squee:  Don't eat me, Gir!

Gir:  Yummy Squeezy 'freezy!

Squee:  Yieeeeeee!  (another crash)

'Nny:  **_Cut that out_**!

Squee comes to a halt, and Gir slams into him from behind.

Gir:  What's up, Johnny-man?

'Nny (angry):  Why did I think you could be left alone?  Why did I _ever_ believe I could trust you not to _destroy_ things?!  Now Zim's gonna be mad, and that'll make Missy mad, and that's the _last_ thing I want!  Now, what've you got to say for yourselves?

Squee:  I'm sorry….

Gir:  Me too…I'm sorry Johnneeeeee!  (he starts crying hysterically)

'Nny (softening):  Hey, now, don't cry.  That kid was probably just going to use the stuff you broke for evil anyway.

Squee:  So you're not mad?

'Nny:  Nah.  No point in it.  Just another unnecessary emotion I can do without.  So, shall we commence on our cooking adventure? 

Gir:  Yay!

Hmmmm…'Nny, Squee, Gir, and lasagna preparation…_maybe_ it'll all turn out all right in the end.  Maybe.  At just that moment, over at The Pub, dinner is being served!

Waitress Melanie:  Okay, who's got the seafood sampler?

KidK's Dad:  Right here.

Waitress Melanie:  Prime rib?

KidK's Mom:  One for me, and one for my son.

Mike-the-Brother:  Steak-meat!  Yum!

Waitress Melanie:  Annnnd…chicken parm?

KidK:  That's me!

Mike-the-Brother:  You're chicken parm?

KidK:  Shut up.

Waitress Melanie:  How about popcorn shrimp?

Gaz:  That's mine.

Mike-the-Brother:  Hey, why'd you get that, Gaz?

Gaz:  Because it doesn't require cutting, so I can always keep at least one hand at the controls.

Mike-the-Brother:  Aw, man!  How come _she_ gets to play at the table?

KidK's Mom:  She's not our kid.

Waitress Melanie:  And lastly, two lobster platters.

Zim and Dib:  Mine!

Waitress Melanie plunks down two plates upon which are two entire lobsters, fresh from the pot.

Zim (horrified):  What _is_ this?!  Is this some kindofa _joke_?!  I cannot eat this armor-beast, serving human!  It's…_looking_ at me!

Dib:  Ha!  I _knew_ you wouldn't know how to eat a lobster!  An alien _wouldn't_, of course.

KidK:  _I_ don't know how to eat a lobster.

Mike-the-Brother:  Me either.

Gaz:  I wouldn't _want_ to.

Zim:  So there, Dib-monkey.

Dib:  You're still stuck with a lobster on your plate, Zim.

Zim:  Yessssss…and I shall conquer it with my little forky thingy…of doooom!  Wahahahahaaaaaaaa!  (he notices everyone in the restaurant is staring)  Ahahaha…

And so the battle between Zim and the lobster begins.  While the others happily enjoy their dinners, the little Irken tries desperately to break the shell of the red crustacean.  

Zim (furiously stabbing with his fork):  _Die_, you stupid thing, _die_!

Dib (chewing his own vanquished lobster):  This is just sad.

Gaz:  Hey!  You elbow me like that again, Zim, and you'll share the same boiling fate as the lobster!

Mike-the-Brother:  Mom, are you gonna eat your giant onion ring?  (made with a whole onion!)

KidK's Mom:  No.

KidK:  Anyone want a bite of my chicken?  It's got cheeeeese…

KidK's Dad:  I'll take some.  You want some calamari?

KidK:  Not the kind with the tentacles.  The ring-shaped kind is good.  (yes, I enjoy squid.  I'm weird, I admit it)

Dib:  Hey, as long as we're trading food, who wants lobster?  It's really good!  Want some…_Zim_?

Zim:  I don't need your stupid food, Dib!  The beast has almost been subdued!  (he manages to rip one of the lobster's claws off)  A-_ha_!  Not so confident without your pinchy things, _are_ you?

KidK's Mom:  Honey?

KidK's Dad:  Yes?

KidK's Mom:  Can you please help him?  

KidK's Dad:  Does he _want_ help?

Zim:  No.  I am perfectly capable of consuming the red shell-creature on my own, thank you.

KidK's Mom:  That's all well and good, Zim, but everyone else is already half done and I've got dessert waiting at home for all of us.

Zim:  Is this dessert…one of you _special_ desserts?

KidK's Mom:  Yes.

KidK:  Hee…(singsong)  I know what it iiiiiiis!

Mike-the-Brother:  Duh, so do I.

Zim:  Sooooo…something any sane person would want to hurry up for?

Dib:  Who said you're sane?

Zim:  _This_ from a member of the species that _invented_ the concept of eating horrible bug-creatures with…little…squiggly…bits.

KidK's Dad:  Oh, for crying out loud.  Just gimme the lobster!

Zim:  No, no, I don't think I'll be eating any of this lobster-monster after all, in light of these new developments.

KidK's Dad:  'Developments?'

Zim:  The secret special dessert.

KidK's Dad:  Ah.  Hey, I'm not paying for you to come here and not eat!

KidK:  That's right, Dad, you're not.  Remember?  _I_ am.

Dib:  What do you mean, KidK?

KidK:  Well, if you'd noticed, this is technically a place for rich folk.  We're just invading it for the evening.  Normally, there's just the four of us, but I struck a deal with Dad to let you guys come along too!  He pays for his usual four, and I pay for you, Gaz, and Zim.

Dib:  …gosh.  If I'd known that, I wouldn't've ordered the most expensive thing on the menu.

KidK (brightly):  I know!  That's why I didn't tell you!  ^_^

Dib:  But now I feel kinda bad about it, especially since I tricked Zim into ordering lobster too.

Zim:  You didn't trick me, Dib-monkey!  I knew of your scheme all along!  And when _you_ are too full of disgusting animal bits to enjoy KidK's Mom's wonderful dessert, _I'll_ be on my third serving!

Dib:  But…

Gaz:  Dib, don't question it, or the horrible sound of your voice might make her change her mind.

KidK:  Oh, I'd never ever do that!  But hurry up, OK, so we can go home and have some _real_ fun!

And, back at home, real fun is being had.  Hee, KidK's Mom is gonna go supernova…

'Nny:  OK, that looks about right…now we've just gotta put it in the oven.

Gir:  Can I do it?

'Nny:  Can you reach?

Gir:  Yes!

'Nny:  You know, I don't think that's such a good idea in any case.  I'd better do it.  (he carefully slides the tray of lasagna into the oven)  Well, that's that…(he surveys the carnage) Except for the cleaning, of course.

Gir:  Yay!

'Nny:  'Yay?'

Gir:  We get to clean up!  I saw it in a movie once!  The lady just snapped her fingers and everything was all spiffy!

Squee:  You mean 'Mary Poppins?'  That's a _scary_ movie.  All those creepy animated people…*shudder*

'Nny:  But still, if you _want_ to make it into a game, you can—uncalled-for magic or no.  We'll play 'Pass the Dish.'  I'll wash 'em, Squeegee can dry 'em, and Gir, you put them on the table.  Got it?

Squee:  Okay.

Gir (singing gleefully):  Oh, a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!  The medicine go dooooooown!

Soon enough, the three are having soapy, wet, cleaning-type fun.  They must all be nuts.  Oh, wait…they are.  Well, whilst their lasagna cooks, KidK and her posse are just about ready to leave the restaurant.

KidK (sighing with relief):  Ah, my precious trenchcoat is returned to me in good condition…(The Pub has a coat-check place)

Dib:  I don't know why you ever take it off!  

Gaz:  Not _everybody's_ as weird as _you_ are.

KidK's Mom:  You kids make sure you bundle up good!  Put on your gloves!  (she always be tellin' me about the gloves…)

Mike-the-Brother:  But they're so big and bulky!  I won't be able to feel the controls!

Gaz:  Heh.  You and your padded gloves.

Dib:  Hey…I just noticed something.  Zim never takes off his gloves, ever!

Zim:  Why would I want to put my fingers on anything on _this_ filth rock?  It's…unsanitary.

KidK:  Zimmy's gloves are cooool…but not as cool as _my_ perfectly perfect gloves!  Heehee!

Mike-the-Brother:  You're not gonna start raving about 'oh-my-wonderful-gloves-what-that-Johnny-gave-me' again, are you?

KidK:  But they're so nice!  (she glances out a window)  Oh, wow!

Dib:  It's snowing!

KidK's Dad:  Well, _this_ isn't going to help traffic any.

Zim:  'Snowing?'

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah!  Oh, right, you've never seen snow before.  

Gaz:  All you need to know is that sometimes it gets us days off from skool, which is awesome because then I can play all day without those stupid teachers bugging me to pay attention to them.

Zim:  And how does this phenomenon result in days off from skool?

Mike-the-Brother:  Because it accumulates and buries the roads!  It's like soft, frozen rain.

Zim:  Did you say…rain?  You're _not_ making me go out into that torrent of watery stuff!

KidK's Mom:  Oh, a little snow is nothing to be afraid of.  Come on.  

She steps out of the restaurant and begins the walk to the car, followed by the others.  Zim, however, hesitates under the building's awning, very reluctant to step out into the swirl of snowflakes.  He slowly extends a finger into the storm, and flinches when it does, indeed, cause a burning sensation.  He sighs harshly, disgusted with this miserable existence, and, shutting his eyes and gritting his teeth, prepares to step down off the curb and into the pain-causing snow.  Suddenly, however, a shadow falls over him and he feels the soft touch of silk on his head and shoulders.

KidK:  I _knew_ having an ankle-length coat would come in handy someday.  Just stick close to me, and you'll stay nice and dry.

Zim:  ……………….thank you.

They slowly and carefully make the journey to KidK's car, where they are greeted by their friends with joyous words of welcome:

Dib (laughing and pointing):  Aw, what a tender moment!  Just like a perfect couple!

Gaz:  Can we get on with this, already?

Feel the love!  Well, I think that's enough for this Part.  Yup, this seems like a good place to take a quick break.  I've gotta go to class anyway.  Bye!  See you again in a few hours!

_The Special New Years' Eve Dinner Has Been Had!  But There's Still Hours of Fun to Be Had Before The Clock Strikes Midnight!_


	2. Part 2--The End...And The Beginning

A Whole New Year of Doom

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

Part 2—The End…And The Beginning 

This is getting to be incredibly much longer than I thought it would be.  Odd, since this is supposed to be a reduced version of what I'd originally intended.  It's really becoming an extended version of the single chapter I'd planned, and thus is turning out to be a real fic in its own right.  I am so baaaaad…writing past my deadline…  Ah, well, I'm not going to sacrifice anything in the name of greatness!  And by greatness I mean fanfiction.  I made a promise to you that I'd write this, and so I shall.  And you shall say, 'Woopdie doo.'  Just keep reading, there's some fun stuff coming up!  Like Monty Python movies which I of course do not own!

The scene is KidK's house, where all the restaurant-goers are pulling up in their respective cars.  It's still snowing out, and since KidK has to park at the curb, she and Zim are going to have to use their new coat trick to get the Irken into the house safely.  Meanwhile, inside…

Squee:  Was that a car door?

Gir:  Missy's back!  (he dances on his chair)  Missy and Mommy and Daddy and Mikey and Master and Dibby and Gazzy are back!

'Nny:  Well, why don't we go greet them, then?

Gir:  Yippeeeeeeeee!

Gir runs down the stairs and bursts out the door with his usual unbridled enthusiasm.  He looks around, and notices the snow.  It was only a matter of time, really.

Gir:  Ooooo, pretty!  White sky sparkles!  (he sees his pals getting out of the car)  Heeeey, guys!  Let's play in the sky sparkles!  Wheehoo!

Dib:  Uh oh.

'Nny:  Hey, Gir, get back here!

KidK:  No, Gir, don't!

But it's too late.  Gir tackles KidK, sending both her and Zim sprawling into a drift of snow.  Luckily, Zim is wrapped up tight in the material of the amazing trenchcoat (which is amazing), and goes unscathed—for the moment.

KidK (struggling to right herself):  Gir!  Gir, you nut!  Now I'm all wet!

Gir (rolling in snow):  This is fun!  What is it?

KidK:  It's snow.  And, apparently, some ice too, since it's kinda slippery.  (she tries to get up and falls back on her rear)  Man!

'Nny (extending a hand):  Need some help?

KidK (gratefully):  Thanks.

Johnny gently tugs her into a standing position, which in turn pulls trenchcoat-mummy-Zim out of the snow as well.

Zim:  My Tallest!  I was inches away from painful death!  Can we go inside now, and away from this horror?

'Nny (to KidK):  Hey, you're wearing your gloves.

KidK:  I luv 'em lots.

'Nny:  Well, that time when we ran to class together and you took my hand, your fingers were so cold.  I couldn't let them stay that way…and a good deed deserves payback, right?  _You_ kept _me_ warm, so now _I'll_ keep _you_ warm.

Dib (grinning):  You'll 'keep her warm?'  Hey, Zim, didja hear _that_?

Mike-the-Brother:  Just what are you _suggesting_, Johnny?

'Nny (quickly breaking away from the group):  Nothing!  Nothing!  And now that you're all home, I'll just be on my way.  (calling)  Squeegee!  We're going!

KidK:  Oh, no you don't.  I still haven't paid you.

'Nny:  No, no money.  Thanks all the same, but—

KidK:  Not _money_.  I know you couldn't care less about _that_.  But, as you said, a good deed deserves payback.  Please stay up for New Years' with us and have Mom's special dessert…

Gir (pleady-face):  Pleeeeeease, Johnny-man?

'Nny:  *sigh*  I am vanquished once more.

KidK:  Yay!  Now let's all go inside.  Come on, Zimmy.

KidK and Zim resume their conjoined trek up the hill to the house.  Once under the overhang, Zim throws off his protective layer of coat and stands in a triumphant pose.

Zim:  You have not bested me, puny Earth-rock!  Not even your _snow_ can defeat the might of Invader _Ziiiim_!  Ahahahaha_haaaaaa_!

Dib (throwing a snowball at Zim's head):  Have summa _this_!

Zim:  Waaaaaaaaaaaaugh! (screamy Zim=cute ^.^)

Moments later, Zim is sitting on the couch wrapped up in a pile of towels, looking thoroughly annoyed at the world in general and Dib in particular.

KidK's Mom:  You OK there, Zim?  Getting dry?

Zim:  Yes, Mrs. KidK's Mom.  No thanks to the Dib-monkey.

Dib:  I couldn't resist!  Heheh.

Mike-the-Brother:  It _was_ pretty funny how he was running around screaming and then tripped and fell into _more_ snow.

Gir:  Can we go outside and play some more?

Zim:  _No_!

KidK:  Not right now, Gir.  Maybe you and I can have a snowball fight tomorrow, once it's stopped accumulating.

Gir:  Can Squeezy play too?

KidK:  I don't see why not.  ^_^

Squee:  Um…is the snow dangerous?  Is it like _alien_ snow?  'Cause I've never seen anyone get hurt by snow before, so this stuff might be different.  I don't wanna get all burny like the green kid.

KidK:  Nah, it's not different from any other snow.  Zim here is just allergic to water.

Squee (eyes wide):  _Water_ is dangerous?  

Dib:  Only to aliens.

KidK's Mom (from the kitchen):  Hey, did you guys cook?  Something smells really _good_ in here.

'Nny:  On request from Gir, we made lasagna.  There's still quite a bit left in the refrigerator, if you want to try it.

KidK's Mom:  Wow!  You made a lot!  I was planning to use that for a dinner this week, but you've saved me the trouble of cooking it.

KidK:  I can't wait to eat it!  'Nny-kun is a good cook!

'Nny:  Not really…

Zim (muttering angrily):  It's probably poisoned.

KidK's Dad:  So, what do you all want to do while we wait for midnight?  Movies, TV, play a game, what?

Mike-the-Brother:  Me and Gaz want to play Super Smash Brothers.

Dib:  Hey, you can't hog the TV like that!  Mysterious Mysteries is gonna be on!

Gir:  I wanna watch more Sailor Moon!

KidK's Mom:  No subtitles.  They hurt my eyes.  But a movie would be nice.

Gaz:  Mike, haven't I already beaten you at that game _enough_?  Can't we play Perfect Dark instead?

Squee:  Are there any cartoons on?

'Nny:  I don't care what you do, just stop arguing over trivialities.

KidK:  Who wants Monty Python?

There is a silence as everyone stares at KidK.  And then…

KidK's Dad:  Good idea!

Dib:  'Holy Grail' or 'Life of Brian?'

Mike-the-Brother:  Both!

Zim:  A movie about snakes?

Squee:  *squee!*

KidK's Mom:  No, one's about King Arthur—

'Nny:  And the other's about the stupidity of religion.

Gaz:  Heh.  Fun.

Gir:  '_We_ are the _knights_ who say…_ni_!'

KidK:  That's the spirit!  I'll go get the tapes!  

She runs off to find the two classic comedy gems, but when she reaches her room…

KidK:  Gir!  Have you been going through my stuff _again_?!

Gir:  No!

KidK:  Then why…

KidK's Mom:  What happened?

KidK:  There's all—

'Nny (hurriedly):  I'll be right back.  (he joins KidK in her room)  Sorry I didn't say something earlier, Missy.

KidK:  Just say it now.  Why have the contents of my drawers been emptied out?

'Nny:  You had a burglar.

KidK:  Whaaaat?!

'Nny:  Please don't get upset.  I dealt with it.

KidK:  What did you…?

'Nny (firmly):  I _dealt with it_.

KidK:  Oh.  (she thinks a second)  _Ohhhhhh_…

'Nny:  I didn't want to leave a mess, but neither did I want to try to put things away, since I don't know where any of it goes.  So I just left it all on the bed.  Sorry.

KidK:  Don't be sorry!  You saved my house from theft!  My undying gratitude be upon you!

She grabs him in a really tight, squeezy hug, catching him off guard as usual.  After a few seconds, he extracts his arms from her embrace, places his hands on her shoulders, and carefully pushes her out to arms' length.

'Nny:  I'm afraid I must insist that the spontaneous touching stop.  You see, I don't have much experience with this kind of…physical affection, but I _do_ have some very quick reflexes that operate purely on instinct.  My ultimate goal in life is to have complete control over my body, but there are still some aspects I have trouble keeping in check.  I'd really hate to…do…anything.  So, next time…could you please just _warn_ me a little?

KidK:  Okay!  ^_^  (she spreads her arms wide)  I'm gonna give you a hug now.

'Nny (accepting her embrace):  Thank you.  

KidK:  No, thank _you_.

'Nny:  Just don't tell your parents about the whole burglary thing.  They'll only ask questions.

KidK:  No problem.  

Mike-the-Brother (calling):  Are you two done kissing yet?  We want our movies!

KidK's Dad:  Kissing?!  What?!

KidK:  Mike, you jerk!  Come on, 'Nny-kun, let's go have an enjoyable experience watching two of the funniest movies of all time.

They rejoin the group in the living room, and then the greatest debate of the evening begins.

KidK's Mom:  Which one should we watch first?

Dib:  'Holy Grail.'

Gaz:  'Life of Brian.'

KidK's Dad:  'Life of Brian.'

Mike-the-Brother:  Sorry, Gaz, gotta go with Dib on this one.

Gir:  'We're knights of the round table!  We dance whene'er we're able!'

Zim:  What are you humans going on about?

'Nny:  'Life of Brian' is the better satire.

Squee:  I've never seen that one.  Daddy said I wasn't old enough and that if I wanted to watch movies I had to get a job and pay for them myself.  Can I watch it now?

KidK:  'Holy Grail' is my favorite ever!

KidK's Mom:  So that's four for 'Holy Grail' and four for 'Life of Brian.'  Well, I'm not getting _myself_ into this argument, so it looks like Zim's going to have to cast the deciding vote.

Zim:  How _can_ I?  I know nothing of this Python person.

KidK's Mom:  Then just pick randomly.

Gaz:  Pick 'Life of Brian' or you're gonna get it.

Zim (very quickly):  I pick 'Life of Brian.'  Is this movie about the stupid history of some stupid human?

KidK's Dad:  No, it's a spoof of the Gospels.

Zim:  'Gospels?'

KidK:  I'll tell you _aaallll_ about it someday, Zimmy.  Four years of classes on Catholicism taken without the bias of being part of the religion have made me an expert on Christian holy writ.  For now, though, just watch the movie as if it's any other.

Mike-the-Brother (kinda sneakily):  Can we watch 'The Meaning of Life' too?

All the Adults in the Room:  _No_.

Dib:  So 'Life of Brian' it is.  Let's hurry up and watch it so we can get to the _really_ good movie.

Gaz:  You'd better not ruin this for me, Dib.

Moments later, after the lame outdated previews and commercials are over, everyone is settled down to watch the movie.  KidK's Mom is sitting in the chair, and Dad is lying comfortably on the floor.  Zim's still wrapped up on the couch, with KidK next to him holding Gir in her lap.  Next in line on the couch is Squee, who's seated snugly between KidK and 'Nny.  Dib, Gaz, and Mike are on the floor, leaning back on the couch.  All are mesmerized by the magical moving images on the screen.

Wise Man: We are three wise men. 

Mandy, Mother of Brian: Well, what are you doing creeping around a _cow_ shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to _me_. 

Everyone Except Zim:  Wahahahahaaaaa!

Zim:  Why is this funny?  The hideous female—it _is_ female, right?—has questioned their authority!  She should be vaporized!

The Wise Men proceed to give the traditional gifts to Mandy, and praise Brian in typical fashion.  However, they soon realize that they're in the wrong place and take back their presents.

Mandy:  Here!  Here!  Here, that--that's _mine_!  Hey!  Hey, you just _gave_ me that!  Oh!

Baby Brian:  Waaaaaah!

Mandy:  Shut up!  (smack)

Zim:  Okaaaay, what was _that_ all about?

KidK:  Well, those guys were supposed to find the Messiah and give him gifts and stuff, but they came to the wrong house.

'Nny:  Heh.  And the best part is--what would've happened if they hadn't _realized_ that?  

Zim:  Something…not good?

KidK's Mom:  Maybe we shouldn't be watching this with someone who isn't familiar with the original story.

Gaz:  Zim, shut up!

A little while later…

Loud Shoe Guy (holding up Brian's discarded sandal): He has given us... His _shoe_!

Other Guy:  Let us, like Him, hold up one shoe and let the other be upon our foot, for this is His sign, that all who follow Him shall do likewise.

Loud Shoe Guy:  No, no, no. The shoe is a sign that we must gather shoes together in abundance!

Lady:  Cast off the shoes!  Follow the gourd!

Everyone (even Zim):  Ahahahahahaaaa!

Zim:  The stupid humans are confused over nothing!

'Nny:  Credulous fools!  They'll follow _anything_ if someone tells them it's holy!

Dib:  Wahahaha!  They think a shoe has magic powers!

Gir:  A magical shoe?  Really?

Gaz:  No, Gir, these people are just retarded.

Gir:  Aw!  Master, can I have magic shoes?

Zim:  Shh!  Keep it down!  I want to see what these moronic earth monkeys do next!

KidK:  Well, Dad, looks like we've found another convert for Monty Python fandom.

KidK's Dad:  Shhhhhhh!

KidK (in unison with Simon the Creepy Holy Man):  Don't you 'shhhh' me. Eighteen years of total silence, and you 'shhhh' me!

KidK's Mom:  Cut it out, sweetie.  That's weird.

Squee:  Why did my daddy say I couldn't watch this?  I mean, the kids at skool say worse words than the people in the movie, and so does daddy when he's mad, and it's not even as if anyone's gotten killed!

Everyone Who's Seen the Movie:  Um…er…uh oh.

Anyone who's seen 'Life of Brian' probably knows why Squee was prohibited to watch it (well, other than the fact that his parents are scumbags).  If you haven't seen it, I shall now warn you.  In the scene after the bit with Simon the Creepy Holy Man, Brian is—ahem—nude.  And so is his girlfriend Judith.

KidK's Mom:  Kids, you all shut your eyes _right this minute_.

Gir:  But…but the _movie_!

KidK's Mom:  _Do_ it, Gir.

Gir:  Are we playing Hide an' Seek?

KidK's Mom:  Yes.  Hide your eyes behind your hands so no one can see them.  That goes for you too, Todd.

Squee:  Yes ma'am.  (he does so quite cutely)  Why?  Is there gonna be a horrible _murder_?  

KidK:  No, worse.  Dad'll tell us when it's over.

Squee:  *squee…*

KidK's Dad:  Three…two…one…shut your eyes!

Gir:  Heehee, I'm gonna win this game!

After the evil nudity has passed, later on in the film some other stuff happens, and Pontius Pilate says he'll free a prisoner as a concession to the Hebrews at Passover (I am good summarizer, yeah?)

Crowd:  Welease Woger! Welease Woger!

Pilate:  Vewy well. I shall welease Woger!

Squee:  Hey, he sounds like Elmer Fudd!

Gir (bouncing happily):  'Welease Woger!'  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeheehee!

KidK:  The rich guy gets what he deserves!

Gaz:  Abject humiliation!

Biggus (Pilate's little friend):  Let me thpeak to them, Pontiuth!  Thitizens! We have Thamthon the Thadduthee Thtrangler, Thilus the Athyrian Athathin, theveral theditiouth thcribth from Thaetharea, and...

Squee (giggling uncontrollably):  Heeheehee!  They're so silly!

KidK's Dad:  This is the funniest part of the whole movie!

'Nny:  Better than the stoning scene?

KidK:  No, no, the best part's still to come!  Just wait!

A few minutes later:

KidK:  Look!  Look!  Here they come!

Crowd:  Look out! The Judean People's Front! The Judean People's Front!

JPF Leader:  Ve are the Judean People's Front--crack suicide squad. Suicide squad! _Attack_!  (they all stab themselves)  That showed 'em, huh? Oooh…(dies)

KidK:  Yaaaaaaay!

Squee:  Are they all dead now?

'Nny:  Yeah, but it's OK, Squeegee.  They were stupid.

Dib:  Look, even Brian's _girlfriend_ doesn't care that he's gonna die.  They just won't _listen_ to him!

Mike-the-Brother:  Don't worry, Dib.  If _you_ were ever going to be executed, we'd finally listen to you and all your theories.

Gaz:  _I_ wouldn't.

KidK:  And now comes the grand finale!  Sing along if you know the words!

And so the first movie of the evening ended with a bang as the members of the audience with previous viewing experience sing along to 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,' the others picking up the tune as they go.

KidK's Mom:  OK, who wants dessert while we watch 'Holy Grail?'

Zim (a little too enthusiastically):  _Me_!

KidK:  Aw, that's right!  Zimmy hasn't eaten anything since salad!

KidK's Mom:  Well, you can have an extra-big slice, Zim.

Dib:  'Slice?'  Is it a cake?

KidK:  Mom!  You gave it away!

KidK's Mom:  Yes, but you still don't all know what _kind_ of a cake it is.

Dib (shrugging):  Cake is cake.  Unless it's cheesecake, which I've always felt is really more like pie.  (this is my own personal theory)

Mike-the-Brother:  Wait'll you see!  This is no ordinary cake!

Gir:  Caaaaaaaake!  Gimme!

KidK's Mom:  I'll go get it.  (she goes downstairs to the garage, the last place you'd expect to find a cake—but it's there because it's gotta be kept cold—and then returns with the giant Tupperware cake saver)  Ta-daaaaa~!

Gir:  It's…so…beeyooteeful!

Dib:  Did you do all the frosting yourself?  Even the flowers?

KidK's Mom:  Yes.  It's French vanilla cake, and the chocolate icing in between the layers has Toll House morsels mixed in.  The pink flowers are supposed to be strawberry, but I've never used this kind of frosting so I don't know how it'll taste.

Mike-the-Brother:  Strawberry!  (Mike likes strawberry and hates cherry.  So if you ever offer him a red lollipop, make sure you know which flavor it is)

Squee:  Vanilla, chocolate, _and_ strawberry.  Like ice-cream!

KidK's Mom (slicing the cake):  OK, who wants an end piece?

Shortly thereafter, the cake is cut and everyone is eating contentedly in the livingroom.  Needless to say, the deliciousness of the fabulous dessert is the main cause of the fact that most of the comments made regarding the movie are made unintelligible by full mouths.

Zim:  Ahsa misrabuh 'sguys.

KidK:  Mmfph?

Zim:  I _said_, 'that's a miserable disguise.'

Dib:  You mean the witch?  She really _is_ a witch, you know.

Mike-the-Brother:  If the criteria for being a witch include weighing the same as a duck, that is.

Gir:  _I_ weigh the same as a duck!

Squee:  Missy?

KidK:  Yes, Todd?

Squee:  Is Gir a witch?

KidK:  No.

Squee:  Is he a _vampire_?

KidK:  No.

Squee:  Is he a robot from outer space?

KidK:  Yes.

Squee:  *gulp*

KidK:  Don't worry, he doesn't bite…

Squee:  Oh, good.

KidK:  …most of the time.

Squee:  *squeeee* (he burrows himself deeper between KidK and 'Nny)

Gir:  Can I sing along again now?

KidK:  I don't see why not.

Gir:  We're Knights of the Round Table!  We _dance_ whene'er we're _able_!  We do rou_tines_ and chorus _scenes_ with footwork impec_ca_ble! We dine well here in Camelot--we eat _ham_ and _jam_ and _spam_ a lot!

Dib:  How many times has that thing seen this movie?

KidK:  I didn't know he'd seen it at all…

Mike-the-Brother:  He hasn't.  Isn't that spooky?

And later once more…

Knight of Ni:  We shall say _'ni'_ again to you if you do not appease us.

King Arthur:  Well, what is it you want?

Knight of Ni:  We _want_...a **_shrubbery_**!

KidK and Mike-the-Brother:  Bum bum bummmmmm!

Gaz:  Aw, a brother-sister moment.

KidK:  I love you, Mike!

Mike-the-Brother (pointing):  I hate her.

KidK's Mom:  Hey, hey!  Nobody hates anybody!

Dib:  I hate Zim…

Zim:  I hate the Dib-monkey!

Gir:  I luv all of you!  Gimme a hug, Daddy!

KidK's Dad:  Get off me, Gir!

Squee:  Don't let him bite you and suck your life-juice!

KidK (poking 'Nny):  _You've_ been very quiet lately.  Thinking some deep thoughts?

'Nny:  Just drinking in the atmosphere.

KidK:  And does it taste good?

'Nny:  Almost as good as the cake, which, by the way, was the best food I've ever put into my system.  Despite all this yelling and pointless argument, I feel…I don't know…_warm_.

KidK:  That's because we're all here together.  A perfect night.

'Nny:  Perfect…

Zim:  KidK!  Tell the Dib that his howling does not faze me and that I will now be ignoring him.

Dib:  Tell _Zim_ that he ignores me at his peril, because when he lets his guard down I'm moving in for victory!

KidK leans forward and puts her right arm around Dib's waist, pulling him closer to her.  Then she grabs Zim with her left arm and hugs both her friends tight.

KidK:  I love you guys.  What would I do without you?

Mike-the-Brother:  You'd shut up and watch the movie.

KidK:  Oh.  Right.

She shuts up and watches the movie.  Fast forward past quite a large chunk of the movie.

Tim da Enchanter:  Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide!  It's a killer!

Squee:  One time…one time there was this _rabbit_ in my yard…and it was…_looking_ at me!

Sir Robin:  What's he do, nibble your bum?

Squee:  And it had red eyes…just like the rabbit in the movie…

King Arthur:  Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

Squee:  And Shmee said that if I got near it…it'd jump up and bite my—

The Dread Rabbit of Caerbannog viciously bites Sir Bors' head clean off.

Squee:  Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Mike-the-Brother:  Aw, come on!  It's not even that scary!

KidK:  This from the kid who had trouble sleeping after the first time he saw this movie.  Don't worry, Todd.  It's all just fake and stuff.  There aren't really any evil head-munching rabbits.

Squee:  Really, Missy?

KidK:  Really really.

'Nny:  It's those darned _squirrels_ you've got to watch _out_ for.

KidK:  Right.

Gir:  I _like_ the squirrelies!

Dib:  Actually, there _have_ been documented cases of mutant rabbits attacking unsuspecting people.  Everyone with half a brain knows _aliens_ are behind it, but of course the government hushed it up.

KidK's Mom:  Stop trying to scare little Todd, Dib.

Dib:  I'm not!  It's true!

Zim:  Why would any _intelligent_ species bother to mutate a _rabbit_?  It was probably one of you stupid _humans_.

Dib:  Remember _Peepi_, Zim?

Zim:  Do not mention that name in my presence.

KidK:  Who's Pee—(heehee, funny cut)

Zim:  Oh, look, a horrible animated monster!

Squee (clinging to KidK):  *squeeeeeeeeeee!*

KidK (all soothing and stuff):  It's OK, Todd.  See, the writer suffered a fatal heart attack and the cartoon peril is no more.

Squee:  Missy?

KidK:  Yes?

Squee:  You're nice.  Can I sleep over with you?

KidK:  Sure!  That'd be really fun.  

KidK's Mom:  Don't you have to call your parents first?

KidK's Dad:  I don't want to get arrested for kidnapping.

Squee:  They won't mind.

'Nny:  They really won't.  Jerks.  (yeah, should be a swear word, I know…)

KidK:  And you guys are sleeping over too, right?  Dib?  Gaz?

Dib:  Yeah!

Gaz:  I'm trying to watch this movie.  Can't this discussion wait?

Everyone is scared into quietude by Gaz.  The movie ends with the Noodle Boy-ish antics of those odd French people.  Well, _now_ what are they all going to do?  

Mike-the-Brother:  Time for a Smash Brothers battle!  Yeeha!

Gaz:  Very well…if you want to get your scrawny butt beaten again.

KidK's Dad:  Just make sure you turn that thing off by midnight, so we can watch the ball drop.

Zim:  Ball drop?

KidK:  It's an American human tradition.  You'll see.  So, what should we do whilst our two pals fight it out?

'Nny:  Well, we could—

Zim:  I'm not doing anything _you_ say, pathetic Johnny-human.

KidK (sweetly):  Won't you all please excuse us for a moment?  (almost as scary as Gaz)  _Zim_.  _Bedroom_.  **_Now_**.

She grabs him by the arm and drags him down the hall to her room, shutting the door behind her.

Zim (outraged):  Have you gone _mad_, woman?

KidK:  No.  Have _you_?

Zim:  No!  Now what do you want with me?

KidK:  First of all, shut up.  Just let me talk.

Zim:  Who do you think you're—

KidK:  Shut _up_!

Zim:  ………………………….

KidK:  Better.  Now, I'm going to tell you right now—stop being so nasty to Johnny.  He's _not_ dangerous, he's _not_ scary, he's never done _anything_ to hurt or offend _any_ of us, you included.  So cut it out.  This is supposed to be a fun night of fun, and I don't want anything to ruin it.  Now, if you want to say something, you may.

Zim:  Fine.  This is what I have to say:  I don't understand why you have to always get him involved with everything.  We were all just fine without him.

KidK (realization dawning):  Ohhhhh…Zim, he's my friend.  But I've never meant to make you feel left out.  _Ever_.  We've done everything together from dooming people to riding the ferris wheel to accidentally getting engaged, and no matter _how_ many friends I might accumulate, _you'll_ always be my _best_ friend.  I'll always have time for you when you need me.  Anything you want, you can always ask me.

Zim:  …thank you.  And I of course extend the same offer to you.  You're right that we've been through a lot together, and it's the least I can do to pay you back.  

KidK:  Awwwwww!  _That's_ the Zimmy I love!  

Zim:  Hey, don't get any ideas!  (no one can escape the hug of pure glee! ^_^)  No, no, not with the touching!  *sigh*  I suppose I owe you an apology.

KidK:  No, you owe _Johnny_ an apology.  But I think if you go out there and just suddenly say, 'Sorry for being a creep,' he's gonna know I told you to say it, and it won't 'count.'  So just be a little nicer from now on.

Zim:  I don't have to be nice to the Dib-monkey _too_, do I?

KidK:  No, your rivalry makes me smile.  You guys wouldn't be _you guys_ if you didn't fight all the time.

Mike-the-Brother (in the living room):  Look out!  My finishing move!

Gaz:  Finish _yourself_!

KidK:  And speaking of fighting…sounds like the battle's getting good.  Come on, let's go watch Mike lose humiliatingly again.

Zim:  Very well.  (he shivers)  Tallest, I didn't realize how _cold_ it is in this stupid house!

KidK:  Hee, that's cuz you've been all wrapped up in towels for so long!  I on the other hand am quite comfy!  Don't worry, I'll bring us a blanket.  You go on ahead.

Zim goes back out to the couch, where he is greeted with happy words of love by his best friend Dib:

Dib:  Aw, I was hoping she finished you off!  

'Nny:  Missy would never do that.  She loves him.

Dib:  Oh, right, I forgot.  You guys probably just kissed and made up, right?

KidK's Dad (who had been reading Newsweek):  _Who's_ been kissing my daughter?!

Gir (waving his arms wildly):  Meeeeeeee!

KidK's Dad:  Oh, well.  No problem, then.

Gir:  Kissy kissy!  I'll go get the mistletoe!

KidK's Mom:  _Oh_ no.  We're not going to have a repeat of Christmas, Gir.

Zim:  It took up so much of my precious time to fix your head!

Flash back to Christmas morning!  The six people (and Irkens and SIRs) who live in the house are just lounging around amidst a huge mess of ripped wrapping paper and boxes, surveying their respective hoards of presents.  There is a knock at the door.

Gir:  _Iiiiiii'll_ get it!  (he answers the door)  Dibby!  Gazzy!  Merry Kissmiss!  Heehee!

Dib:  Hello, Gir.  Hey, what've you got behind your back?

Gir (pulls out mistletoe):  A pretty plant!  _Wa_-ha!  Mommy hanged it from the ceiling, but I wanted to play with it!

Dib:  Ack!  That's…mistletoe!  You hafta kiss if you stand under it!

Gaz (smacking Dib):  Why'd you have to go and _tell_ him, stupid?

Later on in the day, while the group watches 'A Christmas Story' for the fifth time…

Zim:  Okay, remind me again—_why_ did that earth-monkey lick the pole?

KidK:  It was a triple dog dare!

Gir (springing out from behind the couch):  I'm a elf!  I gots kisses for yoooou!  

Zim (resisting Gir's kisses):  No, Gir, cut that out!

Gir:  But we're under the misly-toes!  I'm gonna kiss Missy too!

KidK:  Gir, you're so crazy.  I give you kiss of luv.  (she does so)

Dib:  Heeey…the way Gir's hanging over the back of the couch, you're _all_ under the mistletoe.  Meaning…

Mike-the-Brother:  KidK and Zim hafta kiss _too_!

Gir:  Yaaaaaaay!

Zim:  No, Gir, that's bad.

Dib:  Aw, come on, you know you want to.

Zim:  I most certainly do _not_!

During the ensuing argument, Gir creeps along the back of the couch until he is above Gaz, who is quietly playing the new GameBoy Advance game Mike gave her for Christmas.

Gir:  Kiss me, Gazzy baybeh!

Gaz:  Gir, Gir you little freak!  Get off me!  You made me die!  Noooooo!

Mike-the-Brother:  Ha ha, you died.

Gaz (beating Gir repeatedly in the head):  You!  Made!  Me!  _Die_!  I!  Will!  _Destroy_!  You!

Gir:  Gazzy loves meeeeee!  Whee!

Flash to the present!  

'Nny:  So _that's_ why Gir had that giant dent in his head that night…he didn't learn his lesson, though.

Zim:  What do you mean?

'Nny:  When I came over to give Missy her present, Gir climbed up on her bookcase and held that stupid plant over our heads.

Dib:  _You_ didn't…

'Nny:  *sigh*  I did.

Dib:  ……………………………….

'Nny:  What can I say?  There was unexpected motion next to me and I panicked.

Zim:  Well _that_ at least explains the gash I had to fix.  

Dib:  What?

KidK (returning with the promised blanket):  'Nny accidentally stabbed Gir in the head.

Gir:  That was fun!

Dib:  _Ohhhhh_.  I thought…nevermind.

Gaz:  Why won't you just give up and die, already?

Mike-the-Brother:  This time, I'm gonna win for sure!

Gaz:  Yeah, right!

Mike-the-Brother:  _You're_ the one who should _die_!

KidK's Mom:  Now, now, no fighting.

Mike-the-Brother:  Mom!  That's what the game's _about_!

KidK's Mom:  I know that, smart guy.  I also know that you're playing with my permission.

Mike-the-Brother:  Aw, Mom!  You're distracting me!

Gaz:  Keep it up, Mrs. KidK's Mom!

Mike-the-Brother:  You'd take advantage of my distraction like that?  Opportunist!

Gaz:  Hey, I work with whatever I've got.  Anyway, (mumbling) you're playing a lot better than usual.

Mike-the-Brother:  What was that?

Gaz:  I said I'm gonna kill you!  Ness is goin' _down_!

Mike-the-Brother:  Not before Samus does!

Hmmmm, why does this battle seem familiar?  Oh, yeah, that's right!  Of Battles, Blasters, and Brainfreezys!  Maybe they'll actually get to finish their fight this time!

Squee:  This game looks fun.  They fight, but there's no icky blood an' guts!

KidK:  Yeah, I hate those battle games with the really graphic…graphics.  Not that they're corrupting the youth or anything, but who wants to see blood fly out of animated characters' heads when they get kicked?

'Nny:  People just love gore.  Well…unless it's _their_ gore…heheh.  Those games are all unrealistic anyway.

KidK:  I like Legend of Zelda best.  Them enemies just keep coming back!  Feeding my insatiable need for Rupees!  Wahahahahaaaaa!

Mike-the-Brother:  Shut up, Melissa!  No one wants to hear about your stupid 'Rupee quests!'

KidK:  But it's so fun to just wander around aimlessly collecting needless money when you should be saving the world!  Fishing is a good waste of time, too.

Zim:  Ugh, those fish…they always act like they're gonna bite but then they swim away!  How dare they disdain the bait of _Zim_!

Dib:  _You_ played Ocarina of Time?

Zim:  Yes, and I defeated it just as I will one day defeat your planet's armed forces.

Squee:  This kid I know—his name's Pepito—says that the army is under the control of Satan.

KidK:  That's not _Satan_, it's just 'ole Gee Dubya. (www.bushorchimp.com!)

Squee:  No, no, I mean really Satan!  Pepito would know, cuz that's his dad!

KidK:  Pepito is Bush's _son_?

Squee:  He's _Satan's_ son!

Dib:  Really?  You know the Antichrist?  Where does he live?  Did he tell you his weaknesses?  Do you have any _pictures_?!  Mysterious Mysteries would probably pay big money for proof that the Devil really exists!

Gaz:  Well, we're down to one life each.

Mike-the-Brother:  Yes, and _you_ won't have _any_ soon!  Hey, everybody just shut up for a few minutes while I beat Gaz!

Gaz:  You mean while you get beaten _by_ Gaz!

KidK:  Oooo, this should be a good show!  

Gir:  Gooooo Mikey!  

Gaz:  _What_ did you say?!

Gir:  Gooooo Gazzy!

Gaz:  Better.

KidK's Mom:  Are you kids almost done there?

KidK's Dad:  Yeah, it's getting close to midnight, you know.

Zim:  I don't want to miss the human ball-dropping event—it might prove useful to my mission.

Mike-the-Brother:  I said shut up!  We've gotta concentrate here!

While Mike is somewhat distracted, Ness get clobbered by a series of downward kicks by Samus.  The huge-headed child quickly recovers, however, and proceeds to smash his android opponent in the head with a fierce yo-yo attack.  Samus retreats to a high ledge to charge up her energy blaster, and Ness gets shot by it when he tries a frontal assault.  After flying through the air to land with a thud on the other side of the arena, the boy gets hold of a home-run bat item.

Mike-the-Brother:  Ha!  Get anywhere near me _now_ and I'll knock you into oblivion with one hit!

Gaz:  That's _if_ you can manage to catch me off guard with a smash attack.  And I don't let my guard down!  Besides, I can always hit you from above with _this_!

Samus begins dropping little bombs on Ness's head.  Ness simply begins chasing the mech woman around the arena, waving the bat in an attempt to pull off the dreaded smash attack.

Gaz:  You don't scare me!  

Mike-the-Brother:  Oh, look, Gaz!  A recovery heart!  You probably wish you could get it, since you have over 200 damage points, don't you?

Gaz:  Did you think I'd let _you_ have it?

Mike-the-Brother:  No, of course not.  I wouldn't drop this bat for _anything_.  I like a challenge.  So come and get the heart.

Gaz:  _Man_, you're stupid!  And to think I thought you were getting _better_ at this!

Mike-the-Brother:  Come and get it…if you _can_.

Ness drops off the ledge to stand right next to the heart.  Now, if Samus comes close enough to retrieve the item, she'll be in direct line to get hit with the home run bat's smash attack.

Gaz:  Good.  _Very_ good.  But not good _enough_!

Samus dashes in to pick up the heart.  Ness smash attacks her, but because Gaz had racked up so much damage, the heart is still replenishing her life energy—and thus rendering her invincible—when the attack connects.

Gaz:  See, you forgot about that, didn't you!

Mike-the-Brother:  This is all part of my master plan, you know.  So catch me if you can, oh mighty game master!

Ness jumps up to the highest ledge on the screen, and then just stands there.  Gaz, snickering at the simplicity of her opponent's strategy, follows, preparing to use an upward kick attack to hit him from below.  However, just at the last instant, Ness jumps out of the way, and Samus instead finds herself touching…

Mike-the-Brother:  Wheeeeee-hoo!  You hit my motion sensor bomb!  No one can survive that!  (he throws his controller down, leaps to his feet, and does a Gir-like victory dance)  I win I win I _win_!  I beatcha beatcha _beat_cha!

Gaz (totally stunned):  I……………………………..lost?

Dib:  Wow!  Mike finally beat Gaz!

KidK:  This is the beginning of a whole new era!

'Nny:  I'm sorry?  Is this strange?

KidK:  Yeah!  Mike and Gaz have had this game rivalry since the first time they met, and since Gaz is the baddest gamer around, Mike has _never ever_ won a game against her before!

Zim:  Oh, why couldn't I have bet with Dib on _this_ game?!  Mike-beast!  Why didn't you _tell_ me you were going to actually win this time?

Gir:  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!  Mikey won!  (he joins Mike in his dance, simply because he can)

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah yeah yeah!  I win!  I win!

KidK's Mom:  Now, honey, don't be a poor winner…

KidK's Dad:  And stop shaking the house with your jumping around.  Floor beams don't grow on trees, you know.

Gaz (still shocked):  I can't believe…how could I…I've never…

Mike-the-Brother (extending a hand to her):  Hey, good game, Gaz!  As usual.

Gaz, head bowed in defeat, takes Mike's hand and shakes it weakly.  Then, suddenly, her grip becomes more substantial.  She looks up, her golden eyes meeting the blue ones of her rival, and smiles.

Gaz:  That's never gonna happen again, Mike.

Mike-the-Brother:  Maybe it will, maybe it won't.

KidK:  Awwww, that's so sweeeeeeet!

'Nny:  _Is_ it?  Won't their rivalry be that much more bitter now that he's actually won one?

KidK:  Probably.  But it's still sweet.

Squee:  Could I, maybe, have a turn to play now?

Gir:  I wanna play too!

KidK's Mom:  No dice, kids.  See, there's only a half-hour between now and midnight, and you don't want to have to cut your game short.

KidK's Dad:  Plus, we're just sick of your yelling.

KidK's Mom:  Honey!

KidK's Dad:  Hey, I tell it like it is.  Like my hero, Bernie Mac—'somebody's gonna get keeled up in heeya…_toniiiiight_!'

Everyone Else:  ……………………………. (Bernie Mac rocks! Watch it!)

Mike-the-Brother:  But what're we supposed to do now?  Sit and stare at Dick Clark's _head_ for half an hour?

Squee:  Shmee says Dick Clark is an evil android man.

Dib:  You know, that's always been my theory too.  How _else_ does he stay looking 55 when he's gotta be like 80?

KidK:  Fountain of Youth?

Dib:  Nah, that's just a myth.  (heehee, a paranormalist scoffing at a myth…)

Gir:  Can we have Rice Krispies now?

KidK's Mom:  Oh, yeah, I forgot!  Can somebody get the bowl?

Mike-the-Brother:  I'll get it!

KidK:  Who wants brainfreezy?  I've got Key Lime this week.

Gir:  Meeeeee!

Squee:  Me, please.

'Nny:  How can I say no?

Dib:  I'll take one.

Gaz:  Me too.

Zim:  May as well.

Mike-the-Brother:  You better get me one too, sis.

KidK:  Mom?  Dad?  Brainfreezy?

KidK's Dad:  Sure, why not?  (Dad likes brainfreezys  ^.^)

KidK's Mom:  No…they give me a headache.

KidK:  Mom, you're our only holdout.  So that's nine.  I'd better bring a tray.

Soon enough, the gang is enjoying Rice Krispy Treats and brainfreezys.  Do these things really go together?  Possibly not in the realm of haute cuisine, but in the world of junk food anything goes.

Zim:  Keep those…_things_ away from me!

KidK's Dad:  Yes, please do.

Dib:  Yeah, you wouldn't want to end up sharing a bed with KidK again, would you?  Heheh.

Zim:  Shut your noise tube!

Squee:  You make good stuff, Mrs. Missy's Mother!

KidK's Mom:  Why thank you!  You're always welcome to come over and try my desserts.

Squee:  Really?

KidK:  Of course, Todd.  We like you!

Squee:  The crazy neighbor man was right after all!  You _are_ the nicest people I've ever met!

KidK:  _You_ are _cute_!  (she puts an arm around him and squeezes him closer to her)

Gir:  Hug party?

KidK:  Yes!

Gir:  Yay!  (he leaps on Dib's head)  Hugs for all!

Dib:  Ack!  I can't see!  (he falls over onto Mike, who collides with Gaz)

Gaz:  Stop it, Dib!

Dib:  Hey, it's not _my_ fault!

Zim:  You humans and your stupid gestures of affection.  Invaders are not susceptible to your pointless touching!

KidK:  Ah, you know you can't resist it!  The power of hugs compels you!  (she grabs him)

Zim:  Why do I always end up like this?

Dib:  So much for 'not susceptible.'  You're blushing!

Zim:  No I'm not, it's just hot in here is all!

Gaz:  Really?  Then hand over your blanket.

Zim (clutching the blanket protectively):  No, it's mine!

KidK's Dad:  Shhhhhh!  Watch the TV!

Dick Clark (on TV—if he was in our house that'd be scary):  Well, there's just five minutes left until the big ball drops here in Times Square.  When that thing gets to the bottom, it'll be 2002.  (he always states the obvious; it's sad)

Zim:  The _ball_ tells you that the new year has begun?

KidK:  Like I said before, it's a tradition.  That thing's set to fall at exactly midnight, so people here on the east coast watch it to know when to start _really_ acting irrational and partying down.

Zim:  And tell me again why you celebrate the fact that your dirt ball has traveled around your puny sun.  Isn't that what it's _supposed_ to do?

KidK:  Yes, but for some reason we're still always surprised and happy when it successfully does so once more.

KidK's Dad:  Really it's just another excuse for people to get drunk.

'Nny:  Sad but true.

KidK's Mom:  Hey, don't ruin the spirit.  Watch the ball!

Dick Clark:  Looks like the big ball is making its way down the pole…you can hear the crowd counting down…Forty-five seconds left.  Thirty.

KidK:  Hey, let's all count down!  There's ten of us so it'll work!

Dick Clark:  Fifteen seconds.

KidK:  Ten!

Squee:  Nine!

Mike-the-Brother:  Eight!

'Nny:  Seven.

Gaz:  Six.

Dib:  Five!

KidK's Dad:  Four.

KidK's Mom:  Three.

Zim:  Two!

Gir:  One!  Yippeeeeee!  Happy New Years!

Dick Clark:  And the crowd goes wild here in Times Square as the sign lights up to signify the coming of a new year.

Dib:  Why do they need a commentator to tell us that?

Gaz:  Because you're stupid, Dib.

KidK's Mom:  You kids all look away now.  Mike and I have to have our New Years' kiss.

KidK's Dad:  Quit staring!

Gir:  New Years' kisses?  I want some!

Gaz:  You stay away from me, Gir, or _this_ time not even _Zim_ will be able to fix you!

Dib:  Hey, Zim, aren't you going to kiss your fiancée?

Mike-the-Brother:  You'd better hurry before her secret boyfriend Johnny does it first!

'Nny:  I choose to ignore that remark.  (under his breath)  See, Meat?  I have my free will.

Zim:  I'm not kissing _any_ of you stupid humans, now or ever!

KidK:  That's just as well, because you guys are all completely _wrong_!  Neither Zimmy _nor_ 'Nny-kun is my boyfriend, because my boyfriend is…_Gir_!

Gir:  Yaaaaay!  (he skips around the room singing)  _I'm_ Missy's _boy_friend!  _I'm_ Missy's _boy_friend!  Gimme a kissy, Missy!

KidK:  Whee!  

Dib:  Are you _feeling_ all right, KidK?

KidK:  I had too many Rice Krispy Treats!  Woo!

Mike-the-Brother:  Uh oh.  Sugar-high KidK…

Zim:  This is bad.  Very bad.

KidK:  Nooooo, it's good!  Cuz now we can stay up _all night_!

KidK's Dad:  Oh _no_ you don't.  The last thing your mother and I need is to be kept awake by the loud noise of eight kids.

Zim:  Feh.  I am not a child.

'Nny:  Nor am I.

Mike-the-Brother:  Heehee, KidK likes older men!

KidK:  Aha!  Ahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!  Oh, Mike, you slay me!  So…who all is sleeping over?  We never did quite answer that question before.

Squee:  I said I wanted to…

Dib:  I will.  Though we're not really going to 'sleep,' are we?

KidK:  Nah, the whole idea is to stay awake.  That way there's no…weirdness with trying to figure out who's going to share sleeping space with whom.  (oooo, proper grammar!)

Gaz:  Just so long as Gir keeps off my head, I've got no problem staying up with you.

Zim:  I'm stuck, aren't I?

KidK:  Yes.

Gir:  Tonight we're gonna party like it's nineteen ninety nine!

Mike-the-Brother:  Gir, you didn't even _live_ on this planet when it was 1999!  If I fall asleep, are you going to make fun of me?

Dib:  Probably.

KidK:  So that just leaves you, 'Nny-kun.  Are you staying?

'Nny:  Hey, I don't usually sleep _anyway_, so why not be awake with _you_?

KidK:  I've been meaning to ask you about that.  Why don't you sleep at night?

'Nny:  I don't sleep _ever_.  Sleep means dreams, and dreams aren't reality—but once you've slept, who's to say that the world you've awoken into is reality either?  Your dream might just include a scene of you waking up, and in that case anything that happens afterward is just an illusion.  Oh, god!  How do I know that _this_ all isn't a dream _too_?!

KidK:  Because so far, there haven't been any flying clowns or exploding squirrels or fanged, tentacled beasts?  That's usually how I can tell _my_ dreams from reality.

Squee:  Really?  Stuff like that happens to me all the time!

'Nny:  At any rate, that's why I try my best not to ever sleep.  Life is uncertain enough as it is.  I normally only sleep once every couple months, and that's only when my body just completely shuts down on me.  Usually only happens when I've gotten too secure with my surroundings, and am thus not sharp enough to fight it off.

KidK:  Wow, that's really neat!

KidK's Mom:  Missy, don't get any ideas.  You have to sleep when you go back to skool.

KidK:  Aw, but I hate my bed!  And think how much _work_ I could do if I had the entire night to do it in!

KidK's Mom:  _No_.  Now your father and I are going off to bed like normal people should.  You kids have fun.

KidK's Dad:  But not really super loud fun, got it?

KidK and Mike:  Yes, Dad.

Zim, Dib, and Gaz:  Yes, Mr. KidK's Dad.

'Nny and Squee:  Yes, Mr. Missy's Father.

Gir:  Yes, Daddy!

KidK's parents go off to beddy-bye land, leaving the younger crowd to their own devices.

KidK:  We're gonna be up all night!

Gir:  Wooooo!

Gaz:  Shut up, I'm trying to kill the monkey minions!

Mike-the-Brother:  And _I'm_ trying to kill them before _she_ does!

Squee:  Monkey minions?  *squee*

Zim:  Soon, the entire human _race_ will be my monkey minions!

Dib:  No way!  You're gonna end up in a freak show before _that'll_ happen!

'Nny:  Ah, the joy of children…remind me never to cause any.

KidK:  So, shall we see what's on TV?  

Dib:  Mysterious Mysteries!

Gir:  Scary Monkey!

Squee:  Nick at Night!

Gaz:  Nothing!  

'Nny:  Anything that isn't Sex and the City!

Zim:  Bad old movies!

Everyone:  ………………..

Zim:  What?  I _like_ to watch bad old movies!  (it's the Richard Horvitz character in him…)

Mike-the-Brother:  The Midnight Run is on Cartoon Network…

KidK:  Yay!  DBZ!  Piccolo!  We'll be up all night for _sure_!

Later, sometime around two o'clock in the morning…

Dib:  Look!  Animal X is on! (a really neato show about cryptozoology)

Gir:  It's Bigfeets!

KidK:  Ooooo, spooky…is it OK if we watch this, Todd?  Don't want you to get scared or anything…Todd?

Squee (murmuring in his sleep):  Mmmm…ice cream cake…no, Shmee, don't stab Gir…silly…(he snuggles closer to KidK)  Missy…nice…

KidK:  Well, looks like we've lost Todd.  He probably shouldn't've been up this late anyway.

Gaz:  Hey, Mike, how come you're not defending?!  

Mike-the-Brother:  *snore*

Gaz:  Well, fine then.  I'm not gonna play with you anymore if you're just gonna _sleep_.

KidK:  Heh, that's Mike for ya.  I don't think he's ever been up later than two o'clock in his whole life.

'Nny:  That's a shame.  The sky's so beautiful at this time of day.

Zim:  Inferior…human…can't even stay…awake.

KidK:  Sounds like you're gonna be next, Zimmy.  I _knew_ you shoulda had some Rice Krispy Treats.

Zim:  Nonsense…I'm…awake…I'm…(he conks out, his head rested on KidK's arm)

KidK:  Sweet dreams, Zimmy.  (after making sure no one's looking, she gives her best pal a kiss on the forehead and pulls the blanket tight around them)

And then there were five.  About an hour later…

KidK:  Hey…Gaz?  Can you turn down your game a little?  All of a sudden it got really loud…

Gaz (who is asleep next to Mike):  Uhnnn…you won't…beat me again…

KidK:  She must be leaning on the volume control.  Dib, can you turn Gaz's GameBoy off?

Dib:  *snore*

KidK:  Gir?

Gir (sprawled on the floor):  Hee…bunny…pffft…taco…

KidK:  Looks like I'm gonna hafta do it myself then.  (she leans over to switch off the GameBoy)

'Nny:  Aw, that's cute.  All the littluns are asleep.

KidK:  Heh.  'Littluns.'  Like from Lord of the Flies?

'Nny:  Yeah.  You read that one?

KidK:  For poli sci.  Speaking of which, have you read On Liberty yet?

'Nny:  I finished it for the third time since Christmas night just this morning.  

KidK:  Wow, you must really like it!

'Nny:  Are you _kidding_?!  Mill was a genius!  He really knows what our society is all about—'The mind itself is bowed to the yoke.  Even in what people do for pleasure, conformity is the first thing thought of; they like in crowds; they exercise choice only among things commonly done.  Peculiarity of taste, eccentricity of conduct, are shunned equally with crimes, until by dint of not following their own nature, they have no nature to follow.'

KidK:  Wowwww…that's one of my favorite quotes!  (after thinking for about a second)  Page 107, right?  Neat of you to memorize it like that.

'Nny (shrugging):  I always knew I'd agree with what Mill had to say, but he of course says it better than _I_ ever could.  

KidK:  I don't know about that…  It's just too bad that his theory of ultimate diversity and freedom would never work in real life.

'Nny:  Yeah…too idealistic for this world.  But still a genius.  Hey, I just thought of something.  Gir's a robot.  Why's he sleeping?

KidK:  I think he just likes to.  Not like us, right?  Up all night!

'Nny:  Right!

And so, there were two.  Another hour later, it is 4 AM.

Animal Planet Narrator:  Moose share a very unusual relationship with beavers…(this was actually said on a recent show.  O_o)

'Nny:  Heehee, moosy beavers.  Who would've thought it, eh?

KidK:  Mmmmm…

'Nny:  Missy?

He feels a slight pressure, and flinches a bit at the sudden touch.  He looks down to see KidK's head rested on his shoulder.

'Nny:  Oh.  Looks like I'm all alone again, after all.  Though…not really.  This feels…different, somehow.

He surveys the room.  On the floor, Gaz is curled up against Mike, who has in his sleep thrown his arm over her shoulders.  Gir is sleep-wiggling and muttering something about pig tacos, and Dib is leaning on KidK's legs.  Up on the couch, KidK's got her arms around Zim and Squee, holding them close.  And, of course, she is now leaning on Johnny.

'Nny:  Another year ended, and another to look forward to.  Strange…why am I not experiencing my usual nausea at the prospect?  I just feel warm all over.  This is quite an event, indeed.  *sigh*  I suppose…that _this_ is what it feels like to be…content.

He gazes around the room once last time, gently rests his cheek against KidK's soft blonde hair, and, with a small smile, closes his eyes.

_~The End~_

_Well…That's The End.  It's The Beginning Of A Whole New Bright Happy Year Of Gleeful Doom.  Yay!_

I give credit where credit is due: all Monty Python movie dialogue was taken from the Unofficial Monty Python Homepage--www.mwscomp.com/python.html  Go there, because it is a silly place.

1/24/02  9:48 PM


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